She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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