You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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