Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need moral support for this bender
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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