his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
