I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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