he thought i was a dude.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
