Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize