who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
