apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
