I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
