he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
