I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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