Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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