why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
