You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
