there's paper in my vomit.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
