She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
