Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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