I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
