She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
