I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
