Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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