k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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