Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You have to summon your inner elephant
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
