either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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