I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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