I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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