i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
