That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
