The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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