I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
