why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
