You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
