He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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