Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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