so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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