I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize