We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
