census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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