Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
