I think I won the penis lottery.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
