i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
