Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
