Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
