Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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