actually, I'm a sock model
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
