Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
