Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
