you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
