i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
