he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
