OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
