battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
