Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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