this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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