He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
