pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
