Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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