Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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