the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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