the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want nice things and good sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
