You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
