K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
