i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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