Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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