So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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