can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
