I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
