some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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