I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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