i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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