You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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