toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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