Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
