I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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