Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
