You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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