You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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