But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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