After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
