I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we're making bets on your personal life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
