i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
