Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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